Things I've learned about being a parent

Things I wasn't expecting when I became a parent:

• Time goes so so fast. Like, the Earth literally spins on it's axle more quickly and *poof* you have a 4 month old. Which is really bizarre considering how much of each day I'm actually awake for now. 
• Breastfeeding is less icky than I thought it would be. However, in public I've found it's best never to acknowledged how you feed your baby. Everyone has an opinion; a shocking number of them feel they need to tell you about it.
• My marriage has become sort of a "war-buddies" type situation. Our deepest conversations are about epic baby poos and catchy kid songs and other people's offspring.This makes us (a) boring and (b) uniquely suited for one another. There's kind of a gross awesomeness about the whole thing. Like a weird mole. 
• The sweet agony of your baby sleeping through the night for the first time. You look like Pamela Anderson and feel like Rip VanWinkle. Wait, my baby's still breathing right?!? 
• My body is a weird shape. I'm just going to be honest and say.....every time I leave my house I'm in a terrible mood because nothing fits and I've just thrown everything that used to be my favorite all over the bedroom. Unless looking like Whinny the Pooh goes into style, I'm not bikini ready.
• I'm not sure how narcissistic it is on a 10 point scale, but my husband and I spend a significant portion of our day admiring how beautiful our baby is. Seriously dude, we made that. #sorrynotsorry
• My house can go from peaceful picked-up space of tranquility to Babies-R-Us explosion in about 5 seconds. I have no idea how this happens, but I'm telling you it does.
• Babies can smell fear. As long as you pretend that you know what you're doing, they pretty much go with it. 
• Nobody plays a better game of baby hot-potato than a mom and dad who are trying to decide who's going to change a poopy diaper that's so smelly the neighbors are complaining.
• I do not want parenting advice. 
• Being a mom is the hardest and most fun/rewarding thing I've ever done.